Rivalry, envy, judgment, selfishness

Through the process of learning about and reflecting upon the areas in which we must die to our flesh, God has shown me that I am addicted to the spirit of comparison. This is a thorn in my flesh that incorporates rivalry, envy, judgment, and selfishness.

I was taught from an early age to be private and to respect others’ privacy, and this has resulted in deep-rooted habits that keep others out of all but the surface aspects of my life and make me hesitant to intrude into someone else’s life. Instead of really getting to know others, I only see their visible attributes – both positive and negative. I compare myself to others in many ways, most of which are based upon my assessment of their apparent qualities – looks, accomplishments, wealth, natural abilities, etc. These comparisons create a continuum in my mind, and I place people – including myself – on it at our ‘appropriate’ places (according to my comparative judgment). Placement on this “continuum of judgment” generates an enormous amount of discontent within my spirit.

This spirit of comparison keeps me focused on myself and swinging on a pendulum that on one end makes me feel superior to others and on the other end gives me an inferiority complex. This constantly swinging pendulum ensures that I maintain my self-focus, leaving little to no resources available for showing kindness and respect to others. By examining people at the surface level and keeping a “safe” distance from them, we are rarely given access to their vulnerabilities and deep needs, and therefore we are unable to show love to them in meaningful ways. As a result, evil wins on two fronts: (1) I am discontent with who God created me to be, focusing on myself and not trusting that God created me for His purposes, spinning into a perpetual spiral of discontent and distance from God; and, (2) My focus on self effectively blocks God from using me to pour out His love on others.

How do we die to rivalry, judgment, envy, and selfishness? We have to acknowledge God’s Lordship, recognizing that He made us the way we are for a specific purpose. When we compare ourselves to others and see ourselves from a fleshly perspective of relativity to others, we are denying God’s sovereignty and questioning the fact that He knew what He was doing when He created us! We must honor the Lord by dying to all of these aspects of our fleshly nature and focusing on our own relationship with Jesus. Our only envy should be divine envy; the only One we should desire to be like is Jesus!

Dear Lord, You made me for Your purposes. Who am I to think I should be like someone else? You also made others for Your purposes. Who am I to question Your creation? Help me to see myself through Your eyes. Help me to see others through Your eyes. Create within my heart a strong desire to be like Jesus, and may Jesus be the focus of my entire being.

A Change of Heart

The heart of the matter is a matter of the heart. We are called by Jesus Christ to take up our crosses and follow Him, but we can do this only if our hearts are dedicated to this mission. It is not enough to commit ourselves to Him one time and then sit back and think, “Ah, I’ve done it! I belong to Jesus! Now I will be holy.” It does not work that way. Yes, we must be born again spiritually, in Christ. But when we are born again, we are spiritual babies who need to be nurtured so we can grow up to be spiritual masters, keeping our eyes upon Jesus and desiring more than anything to grow into His likeness. We must allow Christ to change our hearts.

How do we grow from spiritual infancy to the master level? First, we must realize that our very existence on the earth is for the glory of God. He made everything, and everything belongs to Him. We are His creation, and we live at His pleasure. He knows every detail of our lives! We fulfill our purpose in life when His purpose is fulfilled. There must be a reorientation in the very center of our hearts to the reality that we belong to God alone.

Second, we must nurture a personal and intimate relationship with the Lord. He created us to be in communion with Him, and we cannot claim to have given our hearts to God if we do not seek diligently to communicate with Him and be close to Him. Do we know God experientially? This takes dedication and focus. It requires discipline and the sacrifice of our time through the diligent practice of prayer and meditation on the Word. A further reorientation of the heart must take place so that we properly see that God is our center and that He desires to be in constant communication with us – as He is with the rest of His creation. When we experience the knowledge of God, we will be filled with joy and thankfulness!

Third, dying to our flesh must become second nature to us so the Holy Spirit can fill us and fully live through us. Are our thoughts – even our best ones - blocking God’s plans? None of our fleshly attributes should hinder the work of the Holy Spirit in us. The only way to avoid this is to completely die to our flesh. We must practice, practice, practice this so that there is less of us and more of Him – ultimately, we want to have none of us and all of Him! Our goal is to have no feelings, emotions, or thoughts that do not come from God. We must continually cleanse our hearts by repenting to God of every impure thought, word and deed. If our hearts truly desire for God to fulfill His purpose through us, then we must learn to block all evil thoughts the instant they intrude, never allowing them to gain a foothold, lest they take up residence within us and grow into full-blown sin. In order to accomplish this, we must be on the alert, for we know our enemy Satan is ready and waiting to strike when we let down our guard.

Fourth, it is imperative that we obey God’s ways. Here again, our hearts come into play. Do we want to follow God with our whole heart? If we do, then we must be seekers of God, seekers of His Truth. Where do we find God’s Truth? We find it in His Word. We must hunger for the Word, asking God to increase our hunger and give us an insatiable appetite for the Bible – for through the Bible we can know God more and more, learn His ways, and transform our hearts to conform more and more to our Lord Jesus Christ. Our spirituality will be opened up by a thorough knowledge of the Bible. We must immerse ourselves in God’s Word, savoring every morsel, experiencing the Scriptures in our hearts and minds as they were lived by the real people in the actual places retold in the pages of our Bibles. We must explore the Bible as the treasure it is, examining it from all sides, holding it up to the light, looking at it from every angle. We must study it historically, linguistically, and spiritually, making it jump to life for us so we can see it as it really happened! We must ask the Holy Spirit to help us perceive the spiritual principles woven throughout the Scriptures so that we can meditate on God’s ways and put into practice God’s wisdom on how to live our lives. As we prayerfully do this, God will reveal more and more of Himself to us, and we will grow closer and closer to our Lord.

Finally, we must have a desperate heart and a deep desire for the power of the Holy Spirit. As our perception of the spiritual dimension of our world becomes clearer, we realize that the spiritual battle is fierce. How can we cope with our reality unless we are empowered by the Holy Spirit? We must put on the full armor of Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit if we expect to engage in the battle and be victorious. The more we understand about our Creator, the more we realize our absolute weakness and desperate need for the Holy Spirit.

Growing up spiritually is not something that happens automatically. It is not as simple as following a formula or thinking through an academic exercise. It is a lifestyle that involves ongoing dedication to knowing God through continuous conversation with Him, immersion in His Word, dying to our flesh, vigilant protection of our hearts and minds through blocking evil thoughts, and a deep desire for the power of the Holy Spirit. Becoming a spiritual master requires a reorientation of our hearts toward God, recognizing and acknowledging who He is and humbly bowing down before Him. This is actualized when we wholeheartedly dedicate our lives to knowing, serving, worshipping and glorifying Him. Only then can we truly embody the gospel!

The core of Christian discipline is training our hearts. Our hearts are fragmented, and we must train them through prayer and meditation to focus on God. Only when all of the pieces of our hearts are focused upon Jesus will we find Him, for ultimately, the heart of the matter is a matter of the heart.

Experiencing God’s Presence

My spirit longs to experience God’s presence. After years of searching and seeking to fulfill the longing deep within my heart, I finally heard God’s voice saying, “I AM the One you are seeking.” I realize that only God can complete me. He created me. He “knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139:13) So how do I get to know Him? How can I experience His awesome presence?

Is it a matter of “squeezing” God into my schedule…penciling Him into “His” slot…and then expecting Him to permeate my being with His presence throughout the rest of my day? Do I think I can “give” God a few of my precious moments each day, calling it my “sacrifice”? Do I try to “fit” God into my perspective of life?

What I am learning about God is that He cannot be constrained to a timeslot in the schedule of my life. In fact, I cannot view God from my perspective at all. When life is about me, my senses and my spirit are numbed to experiencing the presence of God, and therefore I mistakenly assume He is not with me. In reality, God is with me – and always has been with me – every second of my life! So what changes need to take place in me to unclog my senses so that I can see God, hear God, and feel God’s presence in my life?

Experiencing God’s presence requires practice. If I know (with my mind) that God is with me, how can I become aware (with my senses) of this fact and acknowledge His presence? One key to practicing the presence of God is learning to convert all of my thoughts into dialogue with God. This is essential! If my God is with me always, and I truly believe that He is, then why do I ignore Him…or seek Him only when I want something? I must develop the habit of conversing with God continuously. It should not be a chore! It is the greatest privilege of my life that I am the child of the Most High God! I have the privilege of enjoying His presence.

If I believe in the depths of my heart that God is who He is, then my only response must be to worship Him, to praise Him, to thank Him for choosing me to be His child. Why should I depend upon myself for anything? God has given me everything, including the opportunity to be in His presence and under His direction. Shall I cast this aside in pursuit of worldly trinkets? Shall I throw this gift that God has so graciously given me into the wind? Shall I depend upon my own mind and capabilities when the God of the Universe has so graciously offered to direct my every thought, word and deed?

I must practice my faith so that God’s Word will be actualized in me. I must beg Him to give me His perspective, to see the world through His eyes, to feel what He feels, to love like He loves. I must practice His presence until it is the most natural thing in the world for me to do. I believe He made me to do this. I want to do this. But undoing decades of not doing this is extremely difficult. I forget. I slip back into my old comfortable habit of conversing with myself. I so desperately need His power in my life.

Please Lord - Set my heart on You. Help me to change the habits of my heart so that I may acknowledge and experience Your presence always. I do not want to give You lip service. I really believe that You know everything about me. I believe that You are in control. I believe that You created me to fulfill a special purpose for You and that I am part of Your plan. I believe that you love me. I long to experience Your presence! I want to be intimate with You. Help me to know You, Lord. Help me to keep my thoughts on You. Amen.