Rivalry, envy, judgment, selfishness

Through the process of learning about and reflecting upon the areas in which we must die to our flesh, God has shown me that I am addicted to the spirit of comparison. This is a thorn in my flesh that incorporates rivalry, envy, judgment, and selfishness.

I was taught from an early age to be private and to respect others’ privacy, and this has resulted in deep-rooted habits that keep others out of all but the surface aspects of my life and make me hesitant to intrude into someone else’s life. Instead of really getting to know others, I only see their visible attributes – both positive and negative. I compare myself to others in many ways, most of which are based upon my assessment of their apparent qualities – looks, accomplishments, wealth, natural abilities, etc. These comparisons create a continuum in my mind, and I place people – including myself – on it at our ‘appropriate’ places (according to my comparative judgment). Placement on this “continuum of judgment” generates an enormous amount of discontent within my spirit.

This spirit of comparison keeps me focused on myself and swinging on a pendulum that on one end makes me feel superior to others and on the other end gives me an inferiority complex. This constantly swinging pendulum ensures that I maintain my self-focus, leaving little to no resources available for showing kindness and respect to others. By examining people at the surface level and keeping a “safe” distance from them, we are rarely given access to their vulnerabilities and deep needs, and therefore we are unable to show love to them in meaningful ways. As a result, evil wins on two fronts: (1) I am discontent with who God created me to be, focusing on myself and not trusting that God created me for His purposes, spinning into a perpetual spiral of discontent and distance from God; and, (2) My focus on self effectively blocks God from using me to pour out His love on others.

How do we die to rivalry, judgment, envy, and selfishness? We have to acknowledge God’s Lordship, recognizing that He made us the way we are for a specific purpose. When we compare ourselves to others and see ourselves from a fleshly perspective of relativity to others, we are denying God’s sovereignty and questioning the fact that He knew what He was doing when He created us! We must honor the Lord by dying to all of these aspects of our fleshly nature and focusing on our own relationship with Jesus. Our only envy should be divine envy; the only One we should desire to be like is Jesus!

Dear Lord, You made me for Your purposes. Who am I to think I should be like someone else? You also made others for Your purposes. Who am I to question Your creation? Help me to see myself through Your eyes. Help me to see others through Your eyes. Create within my heart a strong desire to be like Jesus, and may Jesus be the focus of my entire being.

Experiencing God’s Presence

My spirit longs to experience God’s presence. After years of searching and seeking to fulfill the longing deep within my heart, I finally heard God’s voice saying, “I AM the One you are seeking.” I realize that only God can complete me. He created me. He “knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139:13) So how do I get to know Him? How can I experience His awesome presence?

Is it a matter of “squeezing” God into my schedule…penciling Him into “His” slot…and then expecting Him to permeate my being with His presence throughout the rest of my day? Do I think I can “give” God a few of my precious moments each day, calling it my “sacrifice”? Do I try to “fit” God into my perspective of life?

What I am learning about God is that He cannot be constrained to a timeslot in the schedule of my life. In fact, I cannot view God from my perspective at all. When life is about me, my senses and my spirit are numbed to experiencing the presence of God, and therefore I mistakenly assume He is not with me. In reality, God is with me – and always has been with me – every second of my life! So what changes need to take place in me to unclog my senses so that I can see God, hear God, and feel God’s presence in my life?

Experiencing God’s presence requires practice. If I know (with my mind) that God is with me, how can I become aware (with my senses) of this fact and acknowledge His presence? One key to practicing the presence of God is learning to convert all of my thoughts into dialogue with God. This is essential! If my God is with me always, and I truly believe that He is, then why do I ignore Him…or seek Him only when I want something? I must develop the habit of conversing with God continuously. It should not be a chore! It is the greatest privilege of my life that I am the child of the Most High God! I have the privilege of enjoying His presence.

If I believe in the depths of my heart that God is who He is, then my only response must be to worship Him, to praise Him, to thank Him for choosing me to be His child. Why should I depend upon myself for anything? God has given me everything, including the opportunity to be in His presence and under His direction. Shall I cast this aside in pursuit of worldly trinkets? Shall I throw this gift that God has so graciously given me into the wind? Shall I depend upon my own mind and capabilities when the God of the Universe has so graciously offered to direct my every thought, word and deed?

I must practice my faith so that God’s Word will be actualized in me. I must beg Him to give me His perspective, to see the world through His eyes, to feel what He feels, to love like He loves. I must practice His presence until it is the most natural thing in the world for me to do. I believe He made me to do this. I want to do this. But undoing decades of not doing this is extremely difficult. I forget. I slip back into my old comfortable habit of conversing with myself. I so desperately need His power in my life.

Please Lord - Set my heart on You. Help me to change the habits of my heart so that I may acknowledge and experience Your presence always. I do not want to give You lip service. I really believe that You know everything about me. I believe that You are in control. I believe that You created me to fulfill a special purpose for You and that I am part of Your plan. I believe that you love me. I long to experience Your presence! I want to be intimate with You. Help me to know You, Lord. Help me to keep my thoughts on You. Amen.