Through the process of learning about and reflecting upon the areas in which we must die to our flesh, God has shown me that I am addicted to the spirit of comparison. This is a thorn in my flesh that incorporates rivalry, envy, judgment, and selfishness.
I was taught from an early age to be private and to respect others’ privacy, and this has resulted in deep-rooted habits that keep others out of all but the surface aspects of my life and make me hesitant to intrude into someone else’s life. Instead of really getting to know others, I only see their visible attributes – both positive and negative. I compare myself to others in many ways, most of which are based upon my assessment of their apparent qualities – looks, accomplishments, wealth, natural abilities, etc. These comparisons create a continuum in my mind, and I place people – including myself – on it at our ‘appropriate’ places (according to my comparative judgment). Placement on this “continuum of judgment” generates an enormous amount of discontent within my spirit.
This spirit of comparison keeps me focused on myself and swinging on a pendulum that on one end makes me feel superior to others and on the other end gives me an inferiority complex. This constantly swinging pendulum ensures that I maintain my self-focus, leaving little to no resources available for showing kindness and respect to others. By examining people at the surface level and keeping a “safe” distance from them, we are rarely given access to their vulnerabilities and deep needs, and therefore we are unable to show love to them in meaningful ways. As a result, evil wins on two fronts: (1) I am discontent with who God created me to be, focusing on myself and not trusting that God created me for His purposes, spinning into a perpetual spiral of discontent and distance from God; and, (2) My focus on self effectively blocks God from using me to pour out His love on others.
How do we die to rivalry, judgment, envy, and selfishness? We have to acknowledge God’s Lordship, recognizing that He made us the way we are for a specific purpose. When we compare ourselves to others and see ourselves from a fleshly perspective of relativity to others, we are denying God’s sovereignty and questioning the fact that He knew what He was doing when He created us! We must honor the Lord by dying to all of these aspects of our fleshly nature and focusing on our own relationship with Jesus. Our only envy should be divine envy; the only One we should desire to be like is Jesus!
Dear Lord, You made me for Your purposes. Who am I to think I should be like someone else? You also made others for Your purposes. Who am I to question Your creation? Help me to see myself through Your eyes. Help me to see others through Your eyes. Create within my heart a strong desire to be like Jesus, and may Jesus be the focus of my entire being.
